But I’m not giving up.
For eighteen months I’ve been writing this blog every week and whilst the time of day I publish may vary it’s usually always written and published on a Sunday (Sydney Time). On the odd occasion it may be a Monday morning but never usually later that that.
But it’s Monday evening after 11pm and this is late for me.
So many times I’ll tell myself it doesn’t matter, that I should go easy on myself and that I get to choose - it’s my blog so what’s the big deal?
And that could all be true.
But then if it didn’t matter, why do I do it?
Why do I show up consistently every single week and share?
Why do I spend time thinking about the valuable lessons I’ve learned and impart thoughts each week based on what I believe would help others?
What ultimately is this all in service of?
When I consider that question I begin to understand….
It’s definitely not for the likes, if it was I’d have given up ages ago as I don’t get very many! Popularity would definitely make me feel good (in the short term at least ) but it isn’t the reason I commit each week to doing this.
It’s deeper than that. I’m motivated by the opportunity to make a difference in some small way - whether that is to one person’s life or thousands of lives.
I’m motivated by the fact that whilst I might not know who my blog reaches and how it touches them I do believe that someone somewhere will get value. That could be today or in ten years time.
What I’ve also learned is that there is deep joy that comes from the discipline in doing something even when there is no external validation.
At this time no-one is chasing me up about my blog when I’m late.
But does this mean I’m only accountable to myself?
For me it doesn’t.
I’m accountable to those of you that do commit time each week to read it. I’m accountable to those that have kindly subscribed and I’m also accountable to all those individuals that may one day stumble across these musings of mine and find it a valuable source of learning from a regular human.
I see my contribution serving a much greater purpose, perhaps a compass for those that have lost their way, perhaps inspiration for others that maybe seeking some, or perhaps just comfort for some in knowing I’m just an imperfect human doing the best I can.
I’ve said before, I don’t write because I have something to say. I have something to say because I write.
I don’t know how many years I’ll be writing this blog but I do know that I’m not done yet.
I’d like to switch the focus to you….
What have you started that perhaps you’ve given up on?
What if you allowed yourself to see that your contribution is necessary, what would you choose to do that you are stopping yourself from doing right now?
What gifts would you share with the world that could make a difference (no matter how small) to others?
I might be late.
But I’m not giving up.